…Drive Your Man Wild In The Bedroom
- Set fire to his pillows
- Put laxatives in his tea
- Repeat everything he says in a sarcastic, high-pitched voice
- Cry; then, when he asks you what’s wrong, laugh
- Slam a book shut on his testicles
…Lose Weight In A Hurry
- Eat only sand (but not too much sand)
- For every calorie you consume, cut off a limb
- Instead of butter or oil, why not try cooking using a low-fat alternative, such as newspaper?
- Release a crocodile into your home; run away from the crocodile
- Bulimia
…Get Your Finances In Order
- Consolidate all your debts into one easy-to-manage suicide attempt
- Keep a record of all your incomings and outgoings in a home accounts book; at the end of the year, sell the book
- Spend less on luxuries like shampoo and trousers
- Get a higher-paid job and a better mortgage and try to find suitcases full of money just lying in the street
- Stop paying tax