Dear John

I’m 29 and I spend too much time
Ranking the threats that face human-kind.
It’s my hobby.

Currently I’d put ‘War with the Machines’
at about eight, behind;
1. Superbug (natural)
2. Collapse of the food chain;
3. Rise in sea level;
4. Nuclear war;
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Superbug (man-made)
6. Meteor strike
7. Spontaneous massive release of methane
or ‘earth fart’

Eight. Six if you remove ‘meteor [...]

The Yesterday Re-Enactment Society

The Yesterday Re-enactment Society

We, the undersigned, recognise
That everything ever was measured in minutes
We, the undersigned, recognise
That the place we can’t reach is the place that most itches
We, the undersigned, recognise
The exact thickness of each single ticket
We, the undersigned recognise
That each day we wake we’re aware that we’ve missed it
The Yesterday Re-Enactment Society is now called [...]

Instruction Manual For The Dishwasher My Ex-Flatmate Obviously Thought We Owned

Instruction Manual for the Dishwasher that my ex-flatmate obviously thought we owned
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UNIMPORTANT- PLEASE IGNORE COMPLETELY- Introduction Congratulations on finding yourself in a house that somehow contains our latest dishwasher. This manual will talk you through the basic operation of the dishwasher. Used properly, this dishwasher will provide literally weeks of functional [...]