Taking Sexy Forward

After the hype come the reports. Hundreds of them, each one a unique gamete in an administrative cum-shot. Not since the post war rebuild has a London borough seen so much capital invested in infrastructure so quickly, and spending like that doesn't come without its bureaucratic burden. The stakes are high: the committee know that they need local opinion on their side if they are to retain legitimacy and avoid this project becoming another dome or- worse still- another Olympics.

Yesterday saw the release of the much anticipated 'Independent Environmental Impact Study', and it makes for sober reading, contradicting- often totally- many of the bold promises made in the committee's promotional materials. Publicly, the Timberlake committee have been resolute in their optimism: they will bring sexy back, it is a good idea, and it absolutely, definitely will benefit the East London area in the long term. You can almost smell the sweat on a hundred black collars as the committee's PR team spin, polish and disseminate.

The study accuses the committee of unrealistic predictions of transport performance, of deliberate misinterpretation of financial data, and of excessive use of falsetto. It voices grave concerns about how the new sexy will be sourced, warning that a sudden increase in demand for cheap, local production of sexy will only serve to increase the number of sexy factories operating under sweat shop conditions. The report casts grave doubt on the ability of the aging railway network to effectively deal with the influx of people that the proposed sexy will attract, and it categorically denies that there is potential for the road network to be expanded to compensate. Worst of all, it dismisses the Timberlake corporation's predictions for financial regeneration as 'utterly fanciful', and goes on to say that it does not even consider investment in sexy as desirable given the state of the global sexy market.

It is damning stuff indeed, but for many, the report simply confirms what they have believed since the campaign's inception: that the Timberlake committee have never had a clear idea of what sexy actually is, or what it will do. Many observers - among them a number of prominent historians- doubt that sexy has ever been in the East. They question the logic of 'bringing back' something that was never present. For them, this is a spectacular folly; a form of aesthetic imperialism from a man too busy dancing to do his research.

Worse still, local people say the consultation procedure has been non existent; that sexy has been imposed on them unilaterally and without any regard for the community. The SexyBack village in Stratford, already running substantially over budget, has been the subject of bitter planning opposition from virtually every home owner in the area. The same coalition have also filed a class action lawsuit against the Timberlake committee, claiming that its interference with their enjoyment of their homes constitutes a breach of their human rights. These unorthodox methods of opposition are widely accepted as having caused of J-T's angry press-conference outburst that 'You motherfuckers don't know how to act', a statement that did little to endear him to his critics.

It isn't just property owners who take issue with Timberlake's work either. Last month's 'VIP-drinks on me!' promotion was brought to a premature end when the Metropolitan Police released a statement describing the event as an 'apocalypse of drink fuelled violence', going on to say that the provision of industrial sized vats of complimentary Hennessey was not only 'grossly irresponsible' given Hackney's high street crime rate, but was almost certainly a criminal breach of licensing laws.

This dispute, like the building work in the area, seems destined to grind inexorably on. There's a sense of hopelessness in this battle; of two sides too entrenched to ever reach an agreement. The best hope for a solution may be for Timberlake to recognise the importance of public support in a meaningful way and try to adapt the project accordingly: It is their sexy, and they must bear the burden of negotiation. If a compromise is possible, then Timberlake must take it to the bridge.

© Chris Hicks 2007